When One wants to... (The Crazzies Part 1 Amy Poem 1)

On a Wednesday night,
Where I just don't want to live anymore,
I text my friend,
"What is worth living for?
People are horrible and I don't feel like i am worth anything."
And she texts me back saying, "Don't do it."
But how am I not supposed to.
I just don't know how to handle all this stress.
I don't have an outlet for all these horrible things happening.
Before I know it she is at my house, and she askes me to get in her car.
I didn't really want to but I knew if I where to stay in my room,
the horrible thoughts would take over my mind and I wouldn't be able to came back to Earth.
So I sat in her car,
But I just couldn't say one word.
I just wanted to die.
I sat there well she tried to figure out what in the world was the matter with me.
But she just wouldn't understand.
All I could do was cry.
Crying was my solution.
As we drove around through downtown.
I watched all the cars pass by.
As my heart beat started to slow down,
and I just couldn't feel
I was allowing myself to go numb.
So that way no one could hurt me if I was already numb.
We approched Carl's Jr.
And I wondered why in the world we were here.
And out came my friend.
He sat in the back seat and tried to revive me
And by this I mean to make all the bad thoughts go out
Mid through the ride,
I began to talk.
And even though I didn't explain why I was having these thoughts
It brought me back from this dark place
The night was hard,
Trying to act like I was okay,
There was a lot of crying and no understanding
It got to the point where my other friend just couldn't handle seeing me in such pain
And she went to sleep in the bathroom
Because she as well has problems
But dont we all?
We woke up the next morning
We were all still alive.
And we made it through another night
Another night to see the next day

My Insecurities

There are millions of horrible thoughts running through my head
If I am doing the best I can do,
Am I too fat,
I am ugly,
If I do this will I get hurt?
Why is my heart racing so fast,
Things are getting blurry,
Anxiety kicking in.
Why can't I seem to concentrate,
I am not perfect,
I cant be this smart,
What if I don't succeed then what life will I live?
Am I not good enough,
Why can't I seem to understand what others are saying?
Are they speaking to me in a different tongue,
I am ugly,
Why does this society base everything on image,
Why am I not the same as everyone else,
Is there something wrong with me?
Why is my self esteem so low?
Why do people bully me,
Why do I allow them to,
I am ugly,
I am fat,
I am nothing,
I will never go far,
I am not white,
I have no brains,
I don't have any particular skill,
I am me.
So why can't this society accept it?

(Just ask yourself why do you as an individual care so much about how you appear on the outside? And where do you think this came from? From your family, your culture, the media that is around you, I am sure most of us have felt these insecurities, but remember none of us are perfect, we are all different, we are who we are, and no one can change that so expose your inner self!)

The Crazzies-Intro

Close your eyes,
Imagen a tall dark haired, tan asian, who is the sweetest person you can ever meet,
A tall thin blonde, with the prettiest eyes that have ever seen, a broken soul that is full of laughter,
and a chubby curly haired girl, who thinks she is a genius and tough but in reality is as scared as everyone else around her.
Three crazies
Brought together at the worst of times
but what they don't know,
is that they are meant to help eachother.
They will go through sevrual ups and downs in their lives, will grow up and will live life.
At the end of the day no matter how incredible or saddning the day has been,
they will always have eachother.
Even though family hasn't been there for them,
They have created their own type a family,
A community that they can trust and rely on.
(I will write more about their adventures togehter when I have time this is just an intro)
_Marta_Flinn_

 

New York

Oh how I long for you,
How I miss you,
It feels like forever even though its been just a few months,
I miss the strange smells roaming the air,
Different cultures on every corner,
People never really talking to eachother on streets,
The noise of sirens rushing through the streets,
The colors of fall on the ground,
The snowflakes falling.
I miss the music that flew through the wind,
So loud you wouldn't be able to sleep,
The icky trains that took you everywhere,
And Manhattan where everything took place.
The Broadway shows, that would leave you wondering if your life could be a musical,
The craziness of Time Square,
Looking at confused faces not knowing where they are going,
Sitting on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of art enjoying a hot dog,
Watching the traffic lights go for miles,
But most of all watching the day time city become night,
Where all the lights glisen and the beauty awakens at night.
New York I love you, and miss you so much
_Marta_Flinn_

Our age

The lovely things that come from being the ages 18 through 21.
See people call you an adult but no one is treating you like one yet.
In fact some of us feel younger than we are because so many think they can take advantage of us, They think that just because we are this age that we can be used
because we are in the area of lostness,
and not sure where we are going.
Many of us make it alive well others of us dont.
This age is not easy.
I know, my friends and I struggle each day.
Trying to find what our meaning in life is
but we still haven't found it yet.
We seek for knowledge but we can not come to the end of the road.
The one thing that we forget,
When we get lost in the madness,
The horrible things in life,
Is that we are still young,
That we aren't alone, and that we are here,
Just like everyone else.
_Marta_Flinn_

Three, Two, One

Three, two, one
Breathe,
one, two, three,
cant make it stop,
three, two, one,
the thoughts coming back,
the anxiety kicking in,
one, two, three,
I just want to sceam,
Three, two, one,
The feeling that no one cares,
Loosing grip of reality,
Forgetting who I am,
Whoosh
Theres the swing,
BOOM,
Here comes the smack,
One, two, three,
when will this end,
close my eyes and count,
Three, two, one
One more drink to fill in the emptiness in my heart,
One more smoke to make the day go by,
One, two, three
What am I?
Who am I?
Three, two, one
Here comes the end
Poem by Marta G Flinn

Stressssssssssssssssss

OH MY GOD
WHAT THE HELL
I can barely keep my head on my shoulders
Why is my heart pounding so fast?
Is there a way to be able to BREATH
Life is going to fast.
I can't seem to keep up with the fast pace,
When I get close
It just seems to get a head start.
If I take one step back
I am lost
My hair feels like it's falling off
Feeling like I am enclosed
What do I do?
I am too young to feel this much stress,
Aren't I?
Just one thing after another,
But I am sure, I am not the only one trying to grasp for AIR
OH MY GOD
NOT THIS AGAIN
Where has the time gone,
I haven't finished
I need more time,
MORE TIME
This stress is driving me nuts
I need an outlet,
GRASP FOR AIR
STRESS, it's a creature thing
_MARTAFLINN_