A New Year is Coming

There is a New Year coming around,
And I've been thinking as to what I would like to change
But the more I think about it the more I say
"Wait a minute I don't want to change anything"
I am happy with who I am
But what I am not happy with is my actions
They are how ever my actions
The choices I have made over the past few months have changed my life
I am not studying in New York like I planned
I was but my anxiety took the best of me
I am still living in the past as much as I hate to admit that
I am not happy with my family
I am just not happy with how my actions have lead me to
But I am happy for the person that I am
And how I have dealt with these "mishaps"
I know that my mother has no respect for me and my plans for the future,
But if she does I wish she would show them
My siblings are strangers to me
And I my self keep pushing these people way
I think in a sense this past year what has really happened
Is loosing touch with the things that make me feel alive
It's never really been my family,
And it has taken me this long to realize,
That the only persons real approval I need is myself.
So this coming year
I am going to do things that make me happy,
If that is finally getting the courage to going back to school in New York then it shall,
Or if it is taking a new challenge and moving to a different state or country,
Maybe volunteering my time with people who need it,
Or just making new wonderful memories,
Reconnecting with people that I have pushed away,
Even being more vulnerable
What I really want is to just be me
And not let my (monster) eat me alive
I want to be at peace for once
_Marta Flinn_

A HOLIDAY GREETING

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EVERYONE AND

HAPPY NEW YEAR

THERE IS A LOT WE MAY TAKE FOR GRANTED BUT ALWAYS HOLD CLOSE THE ONE'S  YOU LOVE

FOR THEY MAY NOT BE HERE THE NEXT DAY

AND LIVE LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW

SMILE LIKE YOU FEEL NO PAIN

AND ENJOY YOURSELF

PLEASE BEAR WITH THE JINGLE BELLS VIDEO 

AND 

HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS AND ANY ONE THAT YOU HOLD CLOSE!!!!!

SEE YOU NEXT YEAR

The Anxiety of an Adoptive famliy

It's always been a family of four,
And one being forgotten
Reality is there is one more person
I am that hidden person
The one that's gets blamed for everything
That one who pushes and pushes to get attention
But gets none
The one who tries to over achieve
Has develop a disorder
Who is going mad to be approved
It's like I am a ghost
It's like I am not here
When I speak they think it's going to be negative
Never giving me a chance
I don't know what to do
I feel like I have been neglected these whole 13 years that I have been adopted
Truth is these people may never understand me
I feel alone
I feel worthless
And I feel ashamed of who I am
I wish I could just run away
But wait I can
I am an adult
Why am I letting what they say get in the way?
Do I not have enough self esteem to keep going
All I want is to be heard
All I want is to be loved
But this I feel none
Shouldn't these people that adopted be more loving?
Shouldn't I be able to speak?
Why do I feel like I am enclosed
Why can I not breath?
I just want to be set free

Change is a huge deal.
We take too many things for granted
I know I do,
How many of us wake up in the morning and instantly start judging our self image,
We don't even take the time to notice that we are still alive,
Breathing
We don't notice how many people die per day
We don't notice those around us who are morning for loved ones
Our world is only us
What happens when this no longer is just about us?
What if some one we love just got shot.
Then what do we do?
How do we react
Silence?
Crying?
Screaming?
Even maybe sometimes laughter?
This is to the most current events happening nation wide.
To the men and women and children in Connecticut, USA,
To the children in Hiben, China who got stabbed
To the children and women who are suffering in the Middle East,
To our loved ones who we take for granted that we have lost,
To the people who have committed suicide,
To those lost souls who were lost in the whole world
 You will not be forgotten

I am lost

I have failed
I'm not sure how I got to where I am
But the more I look back at my actions
And the current ones,
I find myself failing even more
I have no clue which direction I am going
Sometimes I forget how to put my shirts on the correct way
I am truly afraid of where my life is going
But what do I do?
I have no true guidance
Who do I reach out to that I can actually trust?
I have no clue
Where I am going
Which direction is north or south
I have these amazing ideas
but i just don't know
Maybe my fear is what is holding me back from my potential
Or perhaps not taking chance
I am not sure
I just know that I want to do something
I want to be something
I want to feel whole
not broken into pieces
I don't care if I am rich or famous
Just want to feel content with life
I want something more out of life
I want to achieve the greatest me
Where its something silly or crazy.....
my only problem is
where do I start?

Too Advance for our Time

I live in a world where everyone knows everyone's business,

There's Facebook, Twitter, and numerous social websites.

Where children know about sex and drugs.

Technology keeps changing every few months,

Brainwashing us with violence and gore.

   

Money is a MUST have material 

Women are supposed to be tiny and big breasted

And men are supposed to run on lots of testosterone.

Where people who barely say one word get millions of dollars

Well millions are unemployed.

I watch the sun rise and fall every day,

Each day more and more trash being brought to shore.

Teenagers, children being tormented by their parents ill decisions

Where is this world going?

The echoes of shootings throughout the streets,

A mother's cry of her dead sons body,

To those who serve us overseas,

To protect us from harm,

As we cause harm to ourselves.

Where is this world going?

Brother to brother

Sister to sister

As human we all are,

where has our humanity gone?

Poem by Marta Flinn

Seeking Acceptance

The acceptance of one's family

can be the biggest

Sometimes we don't understand 

           

why things are a mess

why it's so dysfunctional

why we need to please?

Family is an interesting subculture in our lives

Why do we push our selves so far?

Why do I feel so ashamed of who I am?

is it because I don't have acceptance of my family?

I seem to find myself in a lost place

cold and afraid

I'm not sure where I am going

But when I reach for help,

I'm humiliated by the ones who are supposed to love me

But are these people the ones who are supposed to love me?

Or is it the group of people that I associate myself with?

I seem to be so close

But yet so far away

I am lost in this mess

I am not sure which way is up and which way is down

Searching for this truth

I can't seem to grasp.

Where is my family?

Poem by Marta Flinn

The Power of Will

I found freedom at the end of the road.

        Where the air is fresh and the water is cold,

My body at ease with every breath taken,

                               and there is nothing to stop me.

I can swim into the distance as far as i can go

         NO one can stop me

                              My path will lead me to,

                                         GLORY

           Where only I can be the one,

                                      who says NO.

The power you have,                                    No longer will hold me
                                        the monster.....

             a lost memory                        a lost long memory

the nightmares              ARE                  GONE

           At the end of the path,

I am FREE
                                FREE to live, FREE to die, FREE of

the power              of                   ABUSE


Poem by Marta Flinn

Where the emptiness lies

The green murky water,

                              found the deepest hole,

where I met with him,

                                             at the never ending road,

       he huffed and puffed

                                   but he could not find

The empty heart

                                                                     where she lied

           The shattered glass                                        on the floor

Pieces of a lonely empty                        SOUL

                             FILLED with lies of emptiness,

We waited for
                                     The green murky water

               but no NO no                                                   there's NOTHING

nothing        left                  in this

empty lonely                                 ..........ROAD.......


Poem By Marta Flinn

One Way Ticket

Smooth like a stone,

But rough like rocks,

Cold as ice, 

And warm as the sun,

Sadness appears on cloudy days,

Mysterious on misty ones,

Lovely one day,

But ugly another,

Photographed by Marta Flinn
Even the coldest or the driest of places still have beauty and life to them

A superstar living the life, 

Like diamonds in the sky, 

But all comes crashing down,

A homeless person on the streets,

Life is compilcated some days,

And sometimes it's a bowl of cherries

Pick one and find what is in store,

Like a rocket through the sky,

Life could end any second, 

Live it or fail it,

But still live what can not be lived and die how it should be,

Smooth like a stone, 

But rough like rocks,

Life only has one ticket,

So live it well

by Marta 

Pieces from an unknown artist

Up in the mountains
Artist Alexander Tsuyoshi Barata

The Spine
Alexander Tsutoshi Barata

Red haired girl

Supporting local artist of the Monterey County
Photograph by Marta Flinn



Alexander has been doing art since he was a young boy.  Doctors had him scribble on pieces of paper to help him through rough patches of his life. And from the scribbling it became long hours sitting outside sketching, painting, anything he could find to make art. Ever since then he has always found art to be the resting place for his mind. Where he can loose himself just like any other artist and create beautiful pieces for others to see. He isn't very well known but it doesn't matter to him because he enjoys art for the fun, relaxation and therapy.


Art is everywhere around us, only some of us choose to see it,
only some of us take in the beauty
and only some of us can show it
never the less art is life
life is art.

A Morning at the MST

No matter what age we are, we can still love, we can find joy, and we can live

Photograph by Marta Flinn

Sitting at the bus stop on a foggy-sunny morning in downtown Monterey. What a wacky way to start off the day. The bench is icy cold, and there is a woman dusting the streets. A man humming a tune to the music from his device. I was putting my fake mask on for the day. As I reached for the black stick to put on my eyes, I heard a man mumble something. I looked around and found an older gentlemen watching me put on my makeup. As soon as he noticed that I had made eye contact he approached me. My head was running with millions of thoughts. Should I move, say I'm waiting for someone or just walk away. But instead I just sit there, and say, "Goodmorning."

The man says, "Good morning you look great,"I was about to say something rude. I'm defiantly not a morning person. But I catch myself. I was being ignorant. This man has a disability. But my anger from being disturbed in the morning had me blind. He began to go on about how he was making his way to Ryan Ranch to visit a friend. I saw little stars in his eyes, he than asked me, "I really love her." A smirk appeared on my face.

The random moments in life. When you talk to a random stranger. You know you may never see them again. There was a connection. A connection that we are all human. We may choose not to socialize with one another but it is healthy for us to be with other people. I began to wonder how often this man talked to some one. We all want some one to listen to our story. And I listened to his.

He then went on and told me a childhood story about this woman that he loves. He began to talk about a time when they were walking downtown. It was a foggy day, no people on the streets. You could hear the Christmas music echoing. She looked beautiful in her jump suit, with her black, long, curly hair. He couldn't help but remember her smell, which was sweet like sugar cookies. He reached for her hand but missed the first time. She realized what he was trying to do, and slipped her fingers through his. They walked side by side, enjoying a the foggy day. They made their way to the wharf. The place that they love the most.

They sat on the bench where they watched thousands of people pass by over the years. Where they tried to figure out what people were saying in different languages. Those hot sunny days where they grabbed ice cream and just looked out into the ocean. The laughs they had, and the deep conversation that would go on for hours. That's where he knelled down on one knee and asked her hand in marriage.

He than tells me, "I can't believe I have such an amazing woman in my life." At that moment I got shivers through out my body. "No one has ever looked at me the way she does. Who would ever love a man like me? She does. She is my one and only." She must be an incredible woman, most of us wouldn't even give a man like this a chance. A man who is different than all the others. But this woman did. She opened her heart. The connection that these two share was incredible. As I watched his man shed a little tear. 

A bus pulled up, "That's my bus, cant be late. I always go at the same time. She is waiting for me there," he said in a happy voice. I watched this man walk into the distance. He turns around before he enters the bus and says, "See you Monday, hope you have a great day at work." I found myself getting emotional which I never do. I finally caught on.

He sat down on the bus, with purple and yellow flowers on one hand, and a picture in the other. He was going to visit his wife, where she lays in peace.

Community the change over the years

Photography by Marta Flinn

breath, and smell what you have been missing

The past few weeks I have been taking an English course emphasizing on community. When you think of community, what is the first thing that pops into your head? For me its always this one scene from the Sandlot, on 4th of July.There is this big block celebration, everyone is enjoying the food and fireworks. Well the adults converse with one another and the children run around the street. Is this how it is now? The few neighborhoods that I have lived in the past few years are not close to what I have seen in the Sandlot. No one knows each other, not by face or name.

I few times I attempted to say good morning to my neighbors, but in return there was only silence. Just until today did one of my neighbors actually ask me how my day was. It maybe because they are new to our block. Sometimes we like to know that there is at least on friendly person in the world, so I responded to her question. Now this got me thinking about how we are all becoming so isolated with our own lives. Which brings me to my next point, something that I learned today. We have three different places that we associate ourselves too. The first place is our own home where ever that maybe, our second place is our workplace or school, and the last is a third place, where there are people that we don't know, or just places that we go with friends to have a good time or relax.

I have been noticing many of the third places that I used to hang out as a child are no longer there. I used to go to the blowing alley, batting cages, and this gnarly monkey bar park, but these places are no longer there. I just keep wondering, is it because so many of us spend so much time at work, school, and on our personal devices as to why these third places are going out of business slowly. We can pretty much do anything online. Just like I am doing right now, posting my own opinion and community. Why would we ever have to leave our own homes.

Truth is, the internet is great for many things. But it can never replace the benifit and feeling that we get hanging around the people that we love.

The next few days I am going to be doing some research on third places.I will try to see what is going on in them, what the environment is like, who goes there, ect.

So for now I'll just leave you with this. Just say hi to some one that you don't know or just smile. I know that when some one smiles at me, it makes me feel much better, and makes my day a bit brighter than it was before. Until later!

We all come from different parts of the world, we have different points of views, we may not be the same color, or from the same background. But we do have a few things in common. We all have compassion, we love, we express emotions, and we are all humans. No one is less of a human than another. I have started this blog just to speak my mind, just like so many others have. It doesn't mean that my opinion is correct or wrong. It's just the way that I perceive the world. These are my words, my story as a young adult growing in the 21st century. 

"If you don't know where you are going you'll end up someplace else"

-Yogi Berra- 

Ending up somewhere else isn't so horrible, we find out what we like and what we dislike in life. Our ideas, emotions, and morals expand as well as our knowledge of the world around us and the surroundings of our own communities. 

Photography by Marta Flinn

fallow the road to the beauty that lays in front of your eyes