A New Year is Coming

There is a New Year coming around,
And I've been thinking as to what I would like to change
But the more I think about it the more I say
"Wait a minute I don't want to change anything"
I am happy with who I am
But what I am not happy with is my actions
They are how ever my actions
The choices I have made over the past few months have changed my life
I am not studying in New York like I planned
I was but my anxiety took the best of me
I am still living in the past as much as I hate to admit that
I am not happy with my family
I am just not happy with how my actions have lead me to
But I am happy for the person that I am
And how I have dealt with these "mishaps"
I know that my mother has no respect for me and my plans for the future,
But if she does I wish she would show them
My siblings are strangers to me
And I my self keep pushing these people way
I think in a sense this past year what has really happened
Is loosing touch with the things that make me feel alive
It's never really been my family,
And it has taken me this long to realize,
That the only persons real approval I need is myself.
So this coming year
I am going to do things that make me happy,
If that is finally getting the courage to going back to school in New York then it shall,
Or if it is taking a new challenge and moving to a different state or country,
Maybe volunteering my time with people who need it,
Or just making new wonderful memories,
Reconnecting with people that I have pushed away,
Even being more vulnerable
What I really want is to just be me
And not let my (monster) eat me alive
I want to be at peace for once
_Marta Flinn_