Monday, January 27, 2014

Alice's Death (The Crazzies Poem 5 Amy)

Never have I experienced such a heartbreak in my life. I never thought to stop and think, hey, just maybe I will feel this pain at my age. I just always figured this would happen years from now. When we have wrinkles on our faces and a thick sets of gray hair. But was I wrong. More wrong then I have ever been in my life.

I knew there was something wrong that Friday night. I hadn't talked to her in months. But we had this connection with each other. We knew when one of us wasn't feeling so great. Actually that whole week I felt odd, something that worried me inside. I drove by her house several times, but she was nowhere to be found.

Friday night was different. Well I was sleeping. I felt the need to gasp for air. Instantly I saw her face appear to me when I awoke. Her presence was in the room but then disappeared. I thought it was so weird. After that I couldn't sleep. She was on my mind. I was terribly worried. I couldn't figure out why I had seen her face. It would be days until I found out why this happened.

When I finally did found out why I saw her face appear in my sleep. It shocked me. As I reached for my phone to call one of her friends to see if the news was true.

She answered, as I heard her friend say, "yes it's true, she is gone." I began to sob. I could not believe it was true. I kept saying, "She was fine just a few days ago, she was fine, she was alive. It can't be true. Not my Alice, not my Alice." Everything became such a blur to me. And I hung up.

All the surrounding noises didn't seem to matter. It felt like time was still.

I tried to wrap my head around focusing on going to work.

I attempted to drive to work. But half way there, I just couldn't. I called the office and let them know the misfortune that had just happened in my life.

When I got home, the next person I called, was my ex. Because I wanted to let him know that she had passed. He had known for days. It upset me that he didn't have the decency  to tell me that my best friend was gone. The next thing he told me, would forever change my view on him. "I didn't wan to tell you, I figured if you really cared about her you would find out eventually." This pissed me off, and then he proceeded to saying, "Your strong, you can get through it alone."

When I hung up, I ran to my room. Screamed into my pillow and sunk into my bed. I didn't go out for a few hours. It took me a few days to even tell my parents what was going on in my life. It was probably one of the hardest things I had to say out loud.

I don't really believe in any higher power. But I do believe that it was her that night, when I gasped for air, trying to tell me goodbye. I told her that if she were to ever leave this world to tell me goodbye before she did. Perhaps that was her letting me know that she was no longer with us. Even if it was a bit discomforting.
I loved her more than anything. Hence, why I was so angry at my ex, for not thinking about calling me to let me know. She meant the world to me, for that girl I would of gone across the universe just to see her smile.
For her I would of done anything. Because when you love someone you would do anything, even if they never repay the favor. May you rest in peace Alice.

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