Monday, October 21, 2013

Let Go

You know holding on to anger is not worth a penny. Why hold on to something that upsets you? We all have enough stress in our every day lives. We shouldn't have to deal with anymore ridiculous dilemmas. Personally, for me it has taken me a very long time to figure this out, but we all figure it out eventually. Why do we let the bad things around us, suck up our energy and time? Why do we allow it to just eat us alive? Is it because that is how we were raised? Because our society raises generation after generation of unhappy people.

Who came up with the idea, that sticking with bad habit is a good tradition. I didn't realize how horrible this was, until a few days ago. We all obsess about different things. Mine for the past few months has been holding on to some one who no longer cares about me. But I being so stubborn would not let this person go. Why? Because I thought if I let this person go, that I would not be able to keep moving forward with me life. So for the past few months I have been acting like a total idiot. Roaming around with this big rain cloud above my head, not allowing the sun to shine on me.

This person, has taken up most of my life for the past three years. Not saying that I regret it. But because of this reason, it has caused me to make some very ill decisions in my life. Some that I am not very proud of, but never the less they were made and now I have to deal with the mess that has been left.

There is a difference between holding on to bad, and letting it go but picking up the mess afterwards. Because once you pick up the mess, you are left with something clean, something fresh. That way you have room to make a mess again, but hopefully not the same mess.

So as I was standing at Target, buying a Halloween card for a friend of mine. I saw this person who has made the past few months of my life living hell. Even if it was not intentional. This person seemed perfectly fine. Even after all the events that have happened. I thought to myself, " What the hell, what the bloody hell is wrong with this person!."

I could not believe my eyes. There I was feeling like a total train wreck, well this person was enjoying their evening with some one else.

Some how I got my mind to calm down. And instead of being completely angry. I saw it as something different. An opportunity to see things differently. Because for the past few months I thought this person was down in the dumps. So I was trying to do everything in my power to keep this person in my life, even if it meant that it would hurt me more.

I was a fool. How foolish could I be. But as I existed Target. I felt this weight get lifted off my shoulders. I don't know why. But seeing this person, helped me realize that I have been focusing my energy in the wrong places and not in the right places. For months, I have been full of anger, full of sadness. And most of all I have felt stuck. In reality I should be royally ticked off for seeing this person this way.

But I am not. I got an unspoken closure. Something that was needed. I was holding on to bad. For what? Honestly I don't even know why. I knew it was unhealthy, but I just kept trying to hold on. Maybe because the idea of the past is so much easier, then the idea of the future, the unknown.

There is nothing wrong with the unknown The unknown leads to new adventures and new people. New isn't easy but it can, may, WILL lead to something better.

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