The Anxiety of an Adoptive famliy

It's always been a family of four,
And one being forgotten
Reality is there is one more person
I am that hidden person
The one that's gets blamed for everything
That one who pushes and pushes to get attention
But gets none
The one who tries to over achieve
Has develop a disorder
Who is going mad to be approved
It's like I am a ghost
It's like I am not here
When I speak they think it's going to be negative
Never giving me a chance
I don't know what to do
I feel like I have been neglected these whole 13 years that I have been adopted
Truth is these people may never understand me
I feel alone
I feel worthless
And I feel ashamed of who I am
I wish I could just run away
But wait I can
I am an adult
Why am I letting what they say get in the way?
Do I not have enough self esteem to keep going
All I want is to be heard
All I want is to be loved
But this I feel none
Shouldn't these people that adopted be more loving?
Shouldn't I be able to speak?
Why do I feel like I am enclosed
Why can I not breath?
I just want to be set free

Change is a huge deal.
We take too many things for granted
I know I do,
How many of us wake up in the morning and instantly start judging our self image,
We don't even take the time to notice that we are still alive,
Breathing
We don't notice how many people die per day
We don't notice those around us who are morning for loved ones
Our world is only us
What happens when this no longer is just about us?
What if some one we love just got shot.
Then what do we do?
How do we react
Silence?
Crying?
Screaming?
Even maybe sometimes laughter?
This is to the most current events happening nation wide.
To the men and women and children in Connecticut, USA,
To the children in Hiben, China who got stabbed
To the children and women who are suffering in the Middle East,
To our loved ones who we take for granted that we have lost,
To the people who have committed suicide,
To those lost souls who were lost in the whole world
 You will not be forgotten

I am lost

I have failed
I'm not sure how I got to where I am
But the more I look back at my actions
And the current ones,
I find myself failing even more
I have no clue which direction I am going
Sometimes I forget how to put my shirts on the correct way
I am truly afraid of where my life is going
But what do I do?
I have no true guidance
Who do I reach out to that I can actually trust?
I have no clue
Where I am going
Which direction is north or south
I have these amazing ideas
but i just don't know
Maybe my fear is what is holding me back from my potential
Or perhaps not taking chance
I am not sure
I just know that I want to do something
I want to be something
I want to feel whole
not broken into pieces
I don't care if I am rich or famous
Just want to feel content with life
I want something more out of life
I want to achieve the greatest me
Where its something silly or crazy.....
my only problem is
where do I start?

Too Advance for our Time

I live in a world where everyone knows everyone's business,

There's Facebook, Twitter, and numerous social websites.

Where children know about sex and drugs.

Technology keeps changing every few months,

Brainwashing us with violence and gore.

   

Money is a MUST have material 

Women are supposed to be tiny and big breasted

And men are supposed to run on lots of testosterone.

Where people who barely say one word get millions of dollars

Well millions are unemployed.

I watch the sun rise and fall every day,

Each day more and more trash being brought to shore.

Teenagers, children being tormented by their parents ill decisions

Where is this world going?

The echoes of shootings throughout the streets,

A mother's cry of her dead sons body,

To those who serve us overseas,

To protect us from harm,

As we cause harm to ourselves.

Where is this world going?

Brother to brother

Sister to sister

As human we all are,

where has our humanity gone?

Poem by Marta Flinn

Seeking Acceptance

The acceptance of one's family

can be the biggest

Sometimes we don't understand 

           

why things are a mess

why it's so dysfunctional

why we need to please?

Family is an interesting subculture in our lives

Why do we push our selves so far?

Why do I feel so ashamed of who I am?

is it because I don't have acceptance of my family?

I seem to find myself in a lost place

cold and afraid

I'm not sure where I am going

But when I reach for help,

I'm humiliated by the ones who are supposed to love me

But are these people the ones who are supposed to love me?

Or is it the group of people that I associate myself with?

I seem to be so close

But yet so far away

I am lost in this mess

I am not sure which way is up and which way is down

Searching for this truth

I can't seem to grasp.

Where is my family?

Poem by Marta Flinn

The Power of Will

I found freedom at the end of the road.

        Where the air is fresh and the water is cold,

My body at ease with every breath taken,

                               and there is nothing to stop me.

I can swim into the distance as far as i can go

         NO one can stop me

                              My path will lead me to,

                                         GLORY

           Where only I can be the one,

                                      who says NO.

The power you have,                                    No longer will hold me
                                        the monster.....

             a lost memory                        a lost long memory

the nightmares              ARE                  GONE

           At the end of the path,

I am FREE
                                FREE to live, FREE to die, FREE of

the power              of                   ABUSE


Poem by Marta Flinn

Where the emptiness lies

The green murky water,

                              found the deepest hole,

where I met with him,

                                             at the never ending road,

       he huffed and puffed

                                   but he could not find

The empty heart

                                                                     where she lied

           The shattered glass                                        on the floor

Pieces of a lonely empty                        SOUL

                             FILLED with lies of emptiness,

We waited for
                                     The green murky water

               but no NO no                                                   there's NOTHING

nothing        left                  in this

empty lonely                                 ..........ROAD.......


Poem By Marta Flinn